My Top 10 Most Overrated Horror Films
In no way shape or form is my intention here to “bash” horror classics. This is strictly my personal opinion. This lists consists of some staple films in the over-all history of horror, so i’m expecting somewhat of a backlash. The list is mostly compiled of movies that came highly recommended by friends or top ten lists i’ve found through years of researching horror films on the Internet, that I just ended up being disappointed with. I’d also like to point out that I did and do enjoy some of the films on this list, I just feel that they do not warrant the type of praise that they’ve earned through the years. All feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Enjoy
10. Saw (The Series)
After falling in like with the original “Saw” film, I believed this to be exactly what the almost stagnant horror genre needed, fresh air. This movie had everything I look for in a horror film: style, originality, simple cleverness…a bad ass puppet! Good performances from likable characters, it was the tits. Then, “Saw 2″. As fans of horror we’ve grown to expect sub par sequels and remakes that take every redeeming quality their originals had and blatantly ignore, in an almost mocking tone, every single fucking one of them. Yet, “Saw 2″ was a valiant effort that didn’t necessarily dry rape our affection for all things great about the original. Although, at this point hollywood realised what they were sitting on and we all know the outcome. I started falling asleep in the theaters, then I decided to rent the sequels, then started falling asleep on them at home as well, then I gave up on the series all together. (see also final destination) What i’d recommend in it’s place? Cube and Cube Zero.
9. Antropophagus AKA The Grim Reaper
Huh? Is what i’m sure most of you are saying right now. I may be ignorant in assuming most average horror fans have no clue what this movie is and/or what it’s about. Allow me to enlighten you. A group of people get stranded on a deserted island and encounter it’s lone inhabitant who has slaughtered the rest of the Island’s people. Maybe i’m putting this on the list because of my own presonal vandetta? Maybe it’s another case of “I was expecting so much more, strictly because of the hype surrounding it”? Although it has it’s moments, I’ll give it that. (Like when the killer stalks the two ladies up into the attic) I read for years that it was one of the most disgusting movies and how a man eats the fetus right out of some lady and so on and so forth. Upon completion it left me feeling cheated. It had good atmosphere and good acting , I just kept waiting for something disgusting to happen, then the credits started to roll… And I went out of the way to buy a pretty awesome edition as well. Damn.
What I’d recommend in it’s place is almost cliche, but so be it. Cannibal Holocaust.
8. Planet Terror
Planet Terror was an effort to encapsulate the nostalgic feeling of old drive-in grind house films, except with big name actors. The only problem was, the funniest thing about those older films was that they were not meant to be funny at all. Now attempt to recreate that humor, except on purpose, with actors that are not funny. Normally this type of over-the-top story with outrageous gore effects would be my cup of tea (Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police) yet, I would find myself cursing at ridiculous scenes of whatshisface riding a pocket bike and repeating the mantra “That’s so stupid”. I know most people are going to argue that the “stupid” feel of the movie is done on purpose and that’s something I understand, what I do not understand is how this ended up as somewhat of a series. Aside from Machete that movie was awesome.
I can almost hear the groaning from the fanboys now. Ok maybe fanboy is a harsh term for people who enjoy this movie, assuming that there are any. Recommended to me by a female friend of mine (surprisingly) I went in with almost no knowledge of this film and little to no expectations. Yet and still, upon the rolling of the credits I could not help but wonder “what was the point of all that”? I’m sure i’ll receive some comments on this about how “You just didn’t get it” or “It was obviously a slasher movie with subtext of….blah blah” All I can say in response to that is I just wasn’t interested enough in the film to care. Christian Bale is a narcissistic man addicted to sex, who bangs out hookers, and probably can’t stand his white bread fiance and somewhere along the lines he became a professional chainsaw juggler thus earning the film it’s only memorable scene, or maybe I really did just not get it.
Recommended in it’s place, The House at the Edge of the Park
6.The Last House On The Left (original)
This may of not had a chance from the start as i’m not one to prefer a “classic” horror film, to any current one. I also haven’t seen much from Wes Craven that moistens my undergarments. Most people will recognize this film as the film that got them into extreme cinema, but most people who say this are much older than I at 25. The films single redeeming quality, David Hess as the psycho. (see also, House at the Edge of the Park) I may just be over this formula, of girls in the woods being terrorized, even though being made in 1972 this film may be an originator of said formula. I didn’t like the characters, I’d already heard the story (even though this film told it first) and I prefer the remake over the original. Haven’t much else to say.
Recommended in it’s place “I Spit on Your Grave” either one.
5. House of 1000 Corpses
I watched “The Devil’s Rejects” in theaters before ever seeing this and with that in mind I’m going to go out on a limb and call The Devil’s Rejects the best sequel of all time, in relation to it’s original. After seeing this abomination I had to re-watch D.R just to like Sid Haig again as a person. The same can not and will not ever be said, from my mouth, of Sheri Moon Zombie. I digress. The Story is a mess, the atmosphere was weak, the performances were flat. I’ve since erased it from my memory.
Recommended in it’s place, It’s own sequel “The Devil’s Rejects”
4.The Human Centipede
One of the few movies on the list that I actually liked. The Human Centipede is a good film overall. It is shot well, has likable characters, a good story, good villain. I just didn’t understand why it was ever hyped as “The most disturbing movie ever” or for that matter a “disturbing” movie at all… The idea of ass to mouth may leave some with a foul after taste, but actually seeing it, wasn’t all that vomit inducing. I mean movies from decades before (Salo) were chalk full of man on man sex, and a “2 girl 1 cup” dinner menu. All these things being said Tom Six decided to deliver the goods in part 2 to the displeasure of many.
Recommended in it’s place Salo: 120 Days of Sodom
A girl attends a school of dance housed by witches. (spoilers?) While visually striking and well acted, the mess of a story line (in true Giallo fashion) and “meh” of an ending left me empty. I’ll admit right away that I probably should have watched all these movies again as I haven’t seen most of them for years, then I’ll remind you how difficult it is to try and convince yourself to watch a film you don’t exactly enjoy. “The best horror movie of all time” all I can say is, do not google that, because this is what I found, and you’ll just be disappointed.
Recommended in it’s place “Amer” or any Fulci that’s not “House by the Cemetery”
2. The Shining
This one even hurts me a little. I saw the movie “The Shining” when a friend of mine’s mother took us all to the drive in (yes, the drive in) and it absolutely scared the bologna off my sandwich. I loved it. Jack Nicholson gives an almost perfect performance, yet the kid, Scatman Crothers , the Bartender, the evil twins, the lady in the tub ALL act the pants off of Shelley Duval. While she was great in Popeye (right?) Olive Oil is the only character she should ever have played. Her over-performance literally makes me cringe and the fact that she survives (spoilers?) makes me physically ill. Worst bit of it all is watching her “performance” at the top of the stairs “acting” as if she were going to stab Jack with the knife, I root for you every time there Jack, until one day.
Blasphemy I know. This one stings a little bit as well as I love John Carpenter. “The Thing” can probably be argued as my favorite film of all time. “They Live” made me want to believe that wrestling was real again. Yet the problem I have with this film is similar to that of the problem I found while re-watching “The Shining”. I WANT JAMIE LEE CURTIS TO DIE, in the movie of course. I would rather watch every Activia commercial back to back to back then watch Jamie Lee Curtis making decisions no human in their right mind would make while attempting to avoid being cut to bits by her masked psycho brother, all the while screaming like a shoeless gutter baby at the grocery check out line because she just realised the toy her parent gave her to shut her up in the first place wasn’t being purchased and her mom would rather endure a 5 minute tantrum on the car ride home because once they get there she can really give that rugrat “something to cry about” then lock her in an upstairs closet long enough to watch back to back episodes of Judge Judy before her husband gets home from work and starts drinking a twelver of PBR because Junior is in last and “Why isn’t my dinner ready when I get home, you always watching them divorce shows, you better not be thinking nothing…oh I’ll give you something to cry about” Alcoholism is a vicious circle guys, and no laughing matter. Seriously though, I don’t like Halloween, even though i’m sure it’s theme song was my ringback tone at some point. The only way I could dislike Halloween more is if it were Halloween 2.
Recommended in it’s place Rob Zombies Halloween. Haha just messing with you guys I didn’t care for that one much either.